her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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