the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
