Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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