i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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