the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
