I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
