someone threw a dead crab at me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
