I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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