Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
