Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
