Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
