I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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