I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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