You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You have to summon your inner elephant
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
