i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
