is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
They are going to name an STD after you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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