I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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