The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
