just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
