We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
