why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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