Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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