if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
