ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize