I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
