OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize