After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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