im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This toilet bowl is my home.
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