If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
MIDGETS
????
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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