Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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