Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
