I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You've changed since you got that strap on
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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