It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
