I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
