dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
