I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
