I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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