Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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