All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
