Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
