Will you blow on my dice?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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