hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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