So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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