I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
