I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Sober January is a disaster.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
