How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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