he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
