I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
