3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize