I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
