just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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