dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
