farters have to be the big spoon...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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