soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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