I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
