Moan for me like Helen Keller
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
