Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
