In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
