I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
