Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
