i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
