I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
