Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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