Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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