She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
