I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
