So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
