I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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