If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
