I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
