just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize