matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Come on in and take your pants off
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