hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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