You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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