i jhust puked up my retainher.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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