just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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