Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Everything about him screamed your future.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
