Please, let me fuck your mom
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
