I wish i was in the wii world.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
