smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i already hear my dad disowning me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize