There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
