you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
