the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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