So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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