Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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