Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
