I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
