We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
