Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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