the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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