You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
