I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
