While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
